Comments on: 15 Steps to a Healthy Self Image http://www.gnorb.net/417/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image In your head it's only a memory, but written down it's working knowledge Fri, 19 Feb 2010 00:01:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Gnorb http://www.gnorb.net/417/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/comment-page-1#comment-79170 Gnorb Mon, 24 Sep 2007 22:13:53 +0000 http://www.gnorb.net/life/20060530/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/#comment-79170 Douglass: I hesitate to agree with the "cultural" statement (since I can't think of any cultures in which looking someone in the eye is considered a bad thing), but I'll have to disagree with the others. <blockquote>Generally, if someone insists that you look them in the eye when they talk to you, they they are trying to control you.</blockquote> I find in my business dealings that a shifty expression, where I can't ever really look in someone's eyes, causes me to not trust them. There's a saying that goes "the eyes are windows to the soul," and for good reason: when someone can't look at you in the eye, they often have something to hide. This may be caused by dishonesty or by a low self esteem, but they're trying to not reveal something. Furthermore, when you're looking at someone's eyes, that usually indicates that you ARE listening to their words, and not distracted by something else. I will, however, agree with you in that insisting that a person ONLY look in your eyes will result in an attempt at control. Of course, I'm not talking here about a hypnotic gaze, but rather, the casual look in the eye that occurs when an important statement is revealed. (This may be a simple "hello", in which the look may reveal a respect for and attentiveness towards the person, or it may be something more serious, in which case the eyes can be used to reveal the seriousness of your statement.) <blockquote>More usually, if someone is really listening to you, then they are likely to look down and slightly away from you with an ear turned toward you. In this way, they are ‘listening’ to you with their ear while their brain processes your words</blockquote> While I understand what you're saying here, the fact is that this is not always the case: occasional eye contact should be made to show the person that you are listening to them and to reconnect with the person. Not looking at them and listening to only their words means that you're leaving out a large portion of their communication, since it's not only about what they say or how they say it, but about body language -- what they do while they're saying it -- that really counts. Douglass: I hesitate to agree with the “cultural” statement (since I can’t think of any cultures in which looking someone in the eye is considered a bad thing), but I’ll have to disagree with the others.

Generally, if someone insists that you look them in the eye when they talk to you, they they are trying to control you.

I find in my business dealings that a shifty expression, where I can’t ever really look in someone’s eyes, causes me to not trust them. There’s a saying that goes “the eyes are windows to the soul,” and for good reason: when someone can’t look at you in the eye, they often have something to hide. This may be caused by dishonesty or by a low self esteem, but they’re trying to not reveal something. Furthermore, when you’re looking at someone’s eyes, that usually indicates that you ARE listening to their words, and not distracted by something else.

I will, however, agree with you in that insisting that a person ONLY look in your eyes will result in an attempt at control. Of course, I’m not talking here about a hypnotic gaze, but rather, the casual look in the eye that occurs when an important statement is revealed. (This may be a simple “hello”, in which the look may reveal a respect for and attentiveness towards the person, or it may be something more serious, in which case the eyes can be used to reveal the seriousness of your statement.)

More usually, if someone is really listening to you, then they are likely to look down and slightly away from you with an ear turned toward you. In this way, they are ‘listening’ to you with their ear while their brain processes your words

While I understand what you’re saying here, the fact is that this is not always the case: occasional eye contact should be made to show the person that you are listening to them and to reconnect with the person. Not looking at them and listening to only their words means that you’re leaving out a large portion of their communication, since it’s not only about what they say or how they say it, but about body language — what they do while they’re saying it — that really counts.

]]> By: Douglas Woods http://www.gnorb.net/417/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/comment-page-1#comment-79168 Douglas Woods Mon, 24 Sep 2007 18:54:05 +0000 http://www.gnorb.net/life/20060530/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/#comment-79168 Some really interesting points here. Number 14, though really is not good. Looking people in the eye is a cultural thing. In some cultures it is considered offensive to look people in the eye. Generally, if someone insists that you look them in the eye when they talk to you, they they are trying to control you. If someone looks you in the eye when you talk to them, then they are probably NOT listening to you but are merely looking at you. More usually, if someone is really listening to you, then they are likely to look down and slightly away from you with an ear turned toward you. In this way, they are 'listening' to you with their ear while their brain processes your words Some really interesting points here.
Number 14, though really is not good.
Looking people in the eye is a cultural thing. In some cultures it is considered offensive to look people in the eye.
Generally, if someone insists that you look them in the eye when they talk to you, they they are trying to control you.
If someone looks you in the eye when you talk to them, then they are probably NOT listening to you but are merely looking at you. More usually, if someone is really listening to you, then they are likely to look down and slightly away from you with an ear turned toward you. In this way, they are ‘listening’ to you with their ear while their brain processes your words

]]> By: Gnorb http://www.gnorb.net/417/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/comment-page-1#comment-23904 Gnorb Sun, 11 Feb 2007 17:51:50 +0000 http://www.gnorb.net/life/20060530/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/#comment-23904 Aaaaaaannnnd he misses the point entirely. I'm guessing you're about 13 years old and are "raging against the machine." That's OK: everyone goes through that. God knows I did, badly. I even wrote bad goth poetry. Really, the stuff was terrible. - Remember: don't get so tied up with the words' definitions that you totally miss their meanings. When you grow up you'll hopefully understand what the words mean, not just what they say. (And I say hopefully because age and maturity don't always travel together, sometimes one travels alone.) Also, I highly recommend you go see a psychiatrist about your "issues", although you'll probably just grow out of them when you're about 17. Again, hopefully. - Now, why did you feel so threatened by a list you disagree that you had to lash out against it, I wonder? Oh, you're probably right: <strong>I</strong> find that I need to work on such things as self improvement, because I'm constantly challenged in the process of achievement, but <b>you</b> -- well now, you have no need for the such! After all, why would you need to when you haven't done anything with your life? Aaaaaaannnnd he misses the point entirely. I’m guessing you’re about 13 years old and are “raging against the machine.” That’s OK: everyone goes through that. God knows I did, badly. I even wrote bad goth poetry. Really, the stuff was terrible.
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Remember: don’t get so tied up with the words’ definitions that you totally miss their meanings. When you grow up you’ll hopefully understand what the words mean, not just what they say. (And I say hopefully because age and maturity don’t always travel together, sometimes one travels alone.) Also, I highly recommend you go see a psychiatrist about your “issues”, although you’ll probably just grow out of them when you’re about 17. Again, hopefully.
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Now, why did you feel so threatened by a list you disagree that you had to lash out against it, I wonder? Oh, you’re probably right: I find that I need to work on such things as self improvement, because I’m constantly challenged in the process of achievement, but you — well now, you have no need for the such! After all, why would you need to when you haven’t done anything with your life?

]]> By: Andrew http://www.gnorb.net/417/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/comment-page-1#comment-23889 Andrew Sun, 11 Feb 2007 16:22:35 +0000 http://www.gnorb.net/life/20060530/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/#comment-23889 If self image involves listening to preachers, wearing a polo neck and avoiding horoscopes, then I don't want it. All of this stuff is just band aids over real issues. Keep a list of your good points in your pocket? How needy and inadequate do you feel? This article is just fluff. If self image involves listening to preachers, wearing a polo neck and avoiding horoscopes, then I don’t want it. All of this stuff is just band aids over real issues. Keep a list of your good points in your pocket? How needy and inadequate do you feel? This article is just fluff.

]]> By: Gnorb http://www.gnorb.net/417/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/comment-page-1#comment-4170 Gnorb Wed, 31 May 2006 15:33:33 +0000 http://www.gnorb.net/life/20060530/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/#comment-4170 I figured more than just a few people would find this helpful. I figured more than just a few people would find this helpful.

]]> By: Junior http://www.gnorb.net/417/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/comment-page-1#comment-4168 Junior Wed, 31 May 2006 14:45:37 +0000 http://www.gnorb.net/life/20060530/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/#comment-4168 very glad you were able to put this up. I had written this down but my handwriting isnt exactly....topnotch. very glad you were able to put this up.

I had written this down but my handwriting isnt exactly….topnotch.

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