Archive for the 'Musings of a Married Man' Category

Page 3 of 4

Setting Up for the Classroom

Published on August 6, 2005 in Life and Musings of a Married Man. 2 Comments

I’ve just spent the last 5 hours helping The Wife set up her classroom for the upcoming school year. It’s her first time as a teacher, and she’s a bit nervous about her new assignment. Over the years she’s had to deal with drug addicts, ex-cons, perverts, Stalinist bosses, and undead kung-fu ninjas, but nothing has — or could have — prepared her for what she’s about to face: inner city youth. (Insert blood curdling scream.)

Her day started at about 6:30 A.M., when she drove out to the school so she could start working on her classroom. The place was a mess, and with just one day until open house (yes, it’s on a Sunday), slacking off was not an option. She had planned to work on the classroom a bit before getting together with her group leader (or teaching mentor, as she’s called) to plan out the first week. As it turns out, she got to work on it a lot; her mentor bumped their planning session until tomorrow.

Normally, this wouldn’t have been such a big deal. But the problem was that The Wife was already nervous, a bit down, and feeling way unprepared, so this just added to the desperation. Lucky for her, she had already told me last night that I had to go out and help her. In retrospect, I’m glad she did.

Continue reading ‘Setting Up for the Classroom’

Musings of a Married Man: Remember When We First Saw This Movie?

Published on February 1, 2005 in Gnorb's Favorites, Gnorb.NET Updates and Musings of a Married Man. 0 Comments

It’s Monday night. That means it’s pizza night. Then again, at $3.18 per pizza, just about every night is pizza night. Although this isn’t good for my waist line, it’s great for my taste buds. Love the stuff.

So here we are watching a movie and munching some pizza after a long day at work. The movie: Armageddon. Great movie if you like to watch Bruce Willis play the same role he plays in every movie. Also a great movie if you like to watch pseudo scientific action comedies.

Normally, this wouldn’t be the kind of flick that would really make it into my top ten. Or top 20, for that matter. But there’s something special about this movie, since it was the first movie my wife and I ever saw together, four days after we first met in the summer of 1998. Because of this, Armageddon has always been special to us, especially the theme song, I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing.

What’s interesting is that every time we see the movie, she gets amorous. Very amorous. Not to say that this is a bad thing, mind you — it’s actually a very good one — but I just find it interesting that every time we watch this movie, somewhere in the beginning, the following conversation (or something close to it) takes place.

“Aww,” my wife says. “Remember when we first saw this? Our first movie.”

“Uhmm… yeah. And you were dating someone else at the time,” I said, in a flat voice.

“But still. It was romantic.”

“No it wasn’t. To me, it was frustrating, since one of us was trying to woo the other. And if I remember correctly, you only stuck around ’cause you thought I was ‘mentally unstable.’”

“Oh. Yeah. That. Well…” she continued, “Hey. I’m just trying to be romantic, you know.”

This is about the time in the movie where comet parts start raining on Manhattan, with buildings toppling and cars exploding.

“Yeah, I guess there’s nothing more romantic than the violent suffering of other people.”

“Hey!” she yelped.

I laugh.

“But you know,” she said, “you did woo me.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Why do you think I stuck around.”

“Uhm… well there’s that –”

“Besides that!” she retorted.

“Actually, I think it was an act of God. And my cooking.”

The conversation goes on from there. Needless to say that by the end, I’ve usually had a good laugh, and my wife feels guilty that I had to chase her for 4 1/2 years before she finally said “yes” to a date. All in all, it makes for a good little conversation. Every. Single. Time.

Musings of a Married Man: What Not to Get Your Wife for Valentine’s. Or Ever.

Published on January 29, 2005 in Gnorb's Favorites and Musings of a Married Man. 0 Comments

I was browsing the history section of the local Border’s bookstore yesterday, trying to find a good read when I noticed a gentleman next to me looking through the ancient history section. The Iliad, The Republic, and other masterpieces from ages past there were, collecting dust and begging for someone to pick them up.

I started to talk to this gentleman (I’ll call him “Mike”), and noticed he had a book in his hand.

“So, getting a little reading from the ancients, eh?”

“Not quite,” he said. “I’m getting my wife a gift for Valentine’s.”

“Ah, gotcha.” I chuckled and said jokingly, “I think I’ll simply wait until Valentines to come up with something. Nothing like not waiting until the morning of the 14th to really get the creative juices flowing, eh? So, anything in mind?”

“Not really. She’s always been hard to shop for. But she likes history, and she likes to read, so I thought I’d get her something from here.”

I made a few suggestions to him — none of which he really liked. I apologized and went on looking for what I was searching for. A minute later, I head him speaking again.

“There we go. I think — ” he reached up and grabbed a book. ” I think I’ll get her this one.”

As he put the book in his hand and began to walk away, I happened to notice the title he was carrying. It was Dante’s Inferno.

Musings of a Married Man: Provision

Published on January 10, 2005 in Gnorb's Favorites and Musings of a Married Man. 0 Comments

The first people my wife and I told about our plans to marry were an Indian couple we had both known for a few years. (For the sake of this story, I’ll call them “Raj” and “Deep.”) Raj had been a financial adviser to me for some time, and as such he was the first person I went to whenever I was to make a big financial decision.

(For you single guys out there, trust me when I say that marriage is the ultimate financial decision. Two incomes? Yes, that’s a good thing, but remember that when you marry, lots of previously hidden debt pops out of places you never expected.)

Although they were happy to hear the news, Raj quickly became Mr. Finance again, and plainly (but urgently) told me “Ok, the first thing you have to do is get a job that pays at least $60,000 a year.”

Say what?! I thought. I’ve never made…

“Ok, now when are you two getting married.”

“Uhm…” I looked at my wife. “In about a year. We haven’t quite deci–”

“Oh,” he said, with a sigh of relief. “I thought it was like next month! Why are you waiting that long?”

Thankfully, that’s about when Deep jumped in. “No, Americans don’t do it that way. They wait years to get married.”

“Really?” asked Raj. (We later found out that Raj had never been to an American wedding.)

Cin and Deep agreed. Deep continued. “Yeah, I’ve been working with some of the girls at a wedding show…”

The conversation went on from there, but honestly I stopped listening after “$60,000.” Why that much? Why would I need to be making that kind of money when I get married? Understand that at the time I was making about $24,000 as a technical support dweeb, and Cin was making about $22,000 working for the county.

But this wasn’t going to cut it. And why was that?

Apparently, for you single guys who don’t yet know, there’s a little word called “Provision.” Although I had seen in action — my father was always a good provider — until then I had never really given much thought to it for myself, or rather with myself being the provider.

Recent events caused me to revisit that train of thought. At my church, I heard the pastor recently talk about some of the things single folks need to know before getting married. To the best of my ability, I have reproduced the part of the speech talking about provision.

(Note: This one’s for both single guys and gals. Guys, take notes. Gals, can you believe your man probably doesn’t know what a “duvet” is?)


Single guys, listen. I want you to know right now that provision for your wife… There are not a whole lot of things on your shopping list that will suddenly find themselves on that list after you decide to wed.

In fact, let’s have a Single Preparedness Test. Let’s see if you’re ready to spend your money on a few items that you might not yet even know exist. So, just for the single men: ready?

The first word is “valence” (pronounced “VAH-lens”). Go ahead, try to say the following “I’ll need to buy a ‘valence.’”

Here’s the next word: “dust ruffle.” Get ready to buy a “dust ruffle.”

The next two words: “Pillow Scam Sham.”

And here’s another word: “Comforter” (pronounced “COM-for-ter”).

Now, for those of you guys who don’t know what those things really are, I have to tell you: my bedroom looks beautiful. When I was single I had a pillow and a blanket. Again, that’s a pillow and a blanket. Now I have all the extra stuff.

And the comforter — let me clue you in on this, guys — a comforter is a big, really expensive blanket that no one gets to sleep on or with. (It’s kind of a strange thing.) And now they even have these “duvets” (pronounced “doo-VEYS”).

Let me share this with you (it’s a ritual at my house):

My wife and I will be ready to go to bed. She stands on one side, I on the other. Then we fold down the comforter, and take it off the bed. Do you know what I paid for that?! I take it off the bed and I set it on this chest at the foot of the bed. That’s where it is for the night! In addition to that, we take all the extra pillows off the bed. Now, we have pillows we put inside covers that we will never put our heads on! So now we have several pillows on top of a comforter on top of a box…

…I just made the bed for an invisible man! And he’s got more pillows than I got! I’ve got one, he’s got three! He’s got a big fluffy comforter, and I’ve got a pillow and a blanket. That’s the same thing I had when I was single! But I paid a lot of money! What is with that?!

(It’s called “provision” men.)

Now, before you ask her to be your wife, go into Macy’s/Burdines, or one of these department stores, go into that big cosmetics section and check prices. You know, just go in there and say “you know, it’s not for me. I’m gonna get married soon… what’s lipstick cost?” Ask them what lipstick costs. Now, it’s not just lipstick. It’s also lip gloss. And also lip liner. And also lip…

You’re going to invest big money, do you understand?!

Just letting you know in advance. I’m not saying I’m bitter about this…

Again, it’s called “provision.”