See, what I’m about to show you can be done by just about everyone, but it will require some guidance, particularly from Google. Come to think of it, here are your requirements:

• Access to the Internet.
• A second computer, since the first SHOULD be off the Internet. In theory.
• A thumbdrive.
• HijackThis.You may also want to print this tutorial on HujackThis.
• A printout of the following websites. (If you have access to the web on a safe computer then you don’t have to pint these, though you may still want to.)
  1. A tutorial on looking for and clearing trojans: http://www.governmentsecurity.org/places_viruses_trojans_hide_startup
  2. A tutorial on MSConfig: http://netsquirrel.com/msconfig
  3. This tutorial you’re reading right now. This very one.
• Patience.

Note: This tutorial comes with no guarantees expressed or implied. If you screw up, you’re on your own. Sorry to be so blunt. I’m a Mac and Linux guy. I’m just putting this up because it might be helpful to some who read this. If what you read here scares you or you don’t have the patience, just pay someone to do what I’m about to describe.

Alright, here we go:

1. Disconnect your infected computer from the Internet if you can, if you have access to another system. If you can’t that’s fine, but you run a few risks. Sorry.
2. Go to another computer and download “HijackThis” to a USB stick. You’ll need this tool AND you need to do this from another computer in order not to run the risk of infecting your thumbdrive.
3. Start your computer in Safe Mode. Reboot then when the very first system screen comes up (whether it be the “Dell” or “HP” splash logos, or whether it be the motherboard running through a system check) start pressing F8 fast and repeatedly until you get the Safe Mode prompt, a text-only screen that should come up before “Windows” shows up.
4. When you’re finally logged into safe mode (it usually looks like crap because all the drivers that make everything look nice are turned off), go to Start > Run and in the window that appears type “msconfig” (without the quotation marks).
5. In the MSConfig you can tweak a lot of stuff, so you may want to read the tutorial on MSConfig you were supposed to have printed if you plan to mess around with it extensively. For now all you’re doing is going through the Startup tab and unchecking everything you don’t recognize. (You may still want to read the tutorial, just in case.) To be safe, though, you will want to search for information on everything you’re about to uncheck.
6. With Notepad, open C:\Autoexec.bat. This file should be empty. If it’s not, delete everything here. (Backup the file, just in case. Call it… “Autoexec.bak” or something.)
7. With Notepad, open C:\Windows\system32\drivers\etc\hosts. This file should also be empty unless you’ve put something in here. If it’s not, delete everything here, but back up the file just in case.
8. Read the tutorial you were supposed to print on trojans. Do everything in that tutorial.
9. Install and run the HijackThis tool. (For any questions, refer to the tutorial I asked you to print on HijackThis.) Post your results to a HijackThis forum. You can (and should) also research each result using a reputable search engine.

And that’s pretty much it. Yeah, I know, it sounds hard. It’s kind of annoying, that’s for sure. It’s why people charge $80 to do this. But if you have the time and are short of funds, then this is a great way to learn about the ins and outs of your computer. Good luck.

(Thanks go out to RoboNick for this info.)

By the way, if you really, really want to know what I consider a must to read, and you use Google Reader, go ahead and add me to your “Shared” list: gnorbx@gmail.com. And yes, it’s always reciprocal. If you don’t use Google Reader, then check out my Shared Items. I warn you, though, I tend to go on thematic blitzes, so if everything there looks like it’s about transhumanism or self improvement or writing or philosophy, try going back a few pages.

Anyway, here’s the new Le Linkage list of sites you should visit:

Novelr Needs Your Help: So Eli over at Novelr has finally hit the big time and started receiving a fair share of pageviews. The problem with this, as anyone who’s ever run a site knows, is bandwidth. He needs more now, and doesn’t have the money to cover it, so he’s sort of asking for donations. Now, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while you know that I don’t often ask for money. In fact, the only time I’ve ever even mentioned donations is when I added that “Donations” area at the bottom of my home page, with links to the Methuselah Foundation and the Digestive Distress and Dysmotilities Association. (As you can guess, the donations aren’t for me. I’m in the very, very fortunate position of being able to offer Gnorb.NET for free, since Google Ads pay enough to cover the bandwidth.) But I’m asking you, if you have a few dollars to spare, to help a blogger out.

Edit: From Eli (in the comments section below): “The crisis is over, Gnorb. A few really good readers pooled together their resources and the Novelr’s above the water again.” In other words the M Foundation and the DDDA can still use the help.

Root & Sprout^TM: This one’s for the parents out there. Oft mentioned blogger Melissa G is starting a new monthly publication! Root & Sprout is an online magazine “for practical information, stories, and advice about being a parent and raising kids.” Now, I know every parent reading this is already awesome, but check Root & Sprout out to see what you can learn from other just-as-awesome parents. And tell ‘em Gnorb sent you.

Writing Tools for Mac: If you’re a writer and you have a Mac, you’ll want to check this list of writing applications out. There’s a video there, too, by the way. I don’t know how you can help someone out with this, but I’ll include it anyway.

Edit: As per reader request, I’ll help a brother (with a Mac) out by making a shortlist: SubEthaEdit, Google Docs*, Microsoft Word*, BBEdit, Scrivener*, TextExpander, WriteRoom*, Ulysses, StoryMill, CopyWrite… You can see some descriptions at Literature and Late.

WSF report: 90 Is the New 50: Ever dream of climbing Mt. Everest at the ripe young age of 125? More and more biologists are jumping on the engineer negligible senecense bandwagon. Maybe it’s time you do as well. Options to extend life are, at the moment, limited to lifestyle choices — diet, exercise, and leading a purpose driven life — which may increase your life from ~75 years to ~90 years. Not much, but enough to give you a chance at receiving the treatments. Help yourself and future generations out by calling your senator or state representative. “Without funding, this longevity science which is truly on the verge of a breakthrough will be marooned.” (After you read that, however, I also highly recommend Is Aging Itself a Disease? by the Vorlon-loving Anne.)

2008 Consumer Action Handbook: If you’re in the US, ever heard of the Federal Citizen Information Center? Probably not. Too bad, because it’s their job to distribute free and low-cost (less than a gallon of gas) Federal consumer publications. Find out how to get out of bounced checks and overdraft fees, improve your credit, reduce junk mail and telemarketing calls, get a paid apprenticeship, and much more. Before you help a brother out, why not make sure you’re in a position to help?

Using Mini-Retirements to Get More Out of Life: While on the subject of finance, let’s talk about retirement. If you work, you’re likely looking forward to the day when you can finally call it quits and actually get on to living your life. But what about taking mini retirements? The truly wealthy do it all the time. Can you set yourself up to doing it? The article linked goes to an interview with Timothy Ferriss, author of The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich .

10 Books that Prove Science Fiction Just Got Harder: For the past few years, the market for hard sci-fi (science fiction that isn’t afraid to explain what’s going on) has been getting smaller and smaller. However, it looks like the genre’s about to be revolutionized by a group of very awesome books that recently came out. When I saw this I realized my reading list had just gotten larger.

Neil Gaiman Writing for Dr. Who? In short, no. Gaiman’s name has been thrown about after Steven Moffat took over the show and made the following carefully worded statement: “Well, Neil and Steven Moffat had dinner, and Neil hasn’t said no, but there’s many slip between cup and lip…” Remember the game telephone? Where you pass on a message to someone and they pass it on, and eventually the last person gets a message that’s totally different from the first? Well, the internet rumor mill is a lot like that, and the “hasn’t said no” turned into “OMG NEIL IS WRITING DOCTOR WHO BEST NEWS EVER.” He’s not. Yet.

Alright, so that about does it for this edition. Want to read more? The head on to Sentient Developments for George Dvorsky’s “What I’ve been reading” list. And like I mentioned before, you can check out more of what I’ve been reading by checking out my Google Reader Shared Items. And, if you don’t feel like reading, but instead want to watch a couple of informative, yet entertaining movies, Mark Cuban has a couple of recommendations.